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11月20日 Angela's JournalWorked for 10 hours, just got home. 10 hours is my average working hours lately. My roommate cooked me "dou hua", it defenitely helped me get rid off all the windchills outside along with all the stress from work. This is my dinner, i guess...After this, i have to finish this report that my boss want tmr for the meeting and if i'm not fully worn out by then, will have to study for my final exam. My co-worker said to me "how lucky that Husky hired you!" ya...I guess. I kinda feel that all this work is not intented to trade for anything, but the sense of responsibility embedded in me just keeps pushing me to work to the perfection. Just like anything, it's most rewarding when you don't actually ask for the external reward because all you do is to satisfy your inner self, or to find what you are seeking for within. Life is in many aspects a paradox, the truth is always surprising, and amazing.
This year, my 24th, I call it the year of inspiration. It was hard, but precious. A journey I spent with God alone. The things I missed out in the past made me so afraid of losing, I was once impatient with my life, but lucky that I am a daughter of God, his words are so comforting and promising. Never before, I feel my life has been open to so many things and I'm learning to be more faithful during this journey to prepare myself for what God has prepared for me. Whatever it is, it is all about Faith, it is truely all about God.
In my prayer, God is the closest friend. The conversation with Him is always pleasing because He knows the deepest of my feelings, even before I speak out. My mistakes, my struggles, my happiness, my wish and my pride He all knows. People have things that you could not explain to others because no one understands to the fulllest what you have experienced, the feelings that were so subtle but changed your life, the mistakes made because of your weakness and brokenness, the times that life was not fully under your control. People take a glance at your life that is so superfacial that you just can not share it with them, but when God came to one's life, it is different. He fills you full.
To me, what is important is how you conquer the weakness and grow to be a spiritually differnt person, I say a better self. If this is what God wanted for you, I truely believe by all means you will end up here although you were once caught in the wrong place. God tailors everything for His children who seek Him and intends for the good. People ask me about my plan, I say I am a kind of girl that everything is possible with me becasue my heart is brave, but there are things I can not live without, God, and love from God. I do not know exactly where are things going, but it is exciting to walk side by side with God and know the changes He made within.
I am a person with desires I know. Some say it's good to be passionate about life, therefore, love deep. Some say it is better to be satisfied with what you have and be happy. As long as both are from God, I do not resist. I do believe what you desire defines you as a person, and there is really no excuse to give up easily.
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